I’ve been asked how I know. You know, know. How do I know what my Inner Voice/Intuition is saying, and how do I know that it’s my intuition? I think more importantly, though, people want to know how I am able to actually trust that voice and follow what it says regardless of what it looks like to the outside world (i.e. crazy, dangerous, stupid, financially suicidal, etc. . .)
I know my intuition is speaking up because I’ve practiced. I’ve sat silently for minutes at a time, I’ve walked in deliberate silence for 24 hours in nature and in town, and for 48 hours amidst hundreds of fellow Kundalini Yogis who were not practicing silence. For 1,000 days in a row, not missing a single day, I practiced something called Bowing Jaap Sahib, a moving meditation in which I would bow continuously to lots and lots of different names given to the One Source. I got to chant with it too–BONUS! The short version took about 30 minutes. The long version, which I practiced much more frequently, closer to an hour. I’ve practiced meditation in various forms for 1 minute up to 2.5 hours. Once I sat without moving for 2.5 hours, holding a mudra and chanting. After about 90 minutes, Kundalini rose, and the rest of the time was incredibly easy and felt like, oh I don’t know, seven minutes (instead of the final full hour). I’ve sat and chanted through the most intense feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, guilt, unworthiness, etc. . . and instead of giving up, I kept up. I did my best. And by the end of it those emotions dissipated–most of the time. If they didn’t I allowed myself to experience them and usually used another mantra to help my mind switch into positivity. Or I’ll kick and yell and scream and be whatever emotion needs to be felt by me for a short time until I am worn out (usually within a few minutes), and then that’s cleared and on I go.
What you want to hear is this. Love yourself. Do what feels right to YOU. What you don’t want to hear is this. Your practice is what gives you the capacity for the courage it takes to love yourself unconditionally. This means it doesn’t matter what your family thinks, it doesn’t matter what your neighbors think. It doesn’t matter what your students think. It doesn’t matter what your teacher thinks and it doesn’t even matter what you think. What do you feel? What do you feel? What do you feel? Does it feel good? Ah Ah Ah. Not, well it should feel good so I’m going to talk myself into it feeling good…. Does it feel good now, in this moment, without more thought? Ah Ah Ah… not, exciting. God, if you’re excited you need to check yourself. That is not neutral and not a place to make decisions from. Excitement is the same energy as fear. Or are you equating excitement with joy? Be quiet and check IN. Joy is calm yet great expansion. In joy you feel full of light but your body is calm. Excitement creates fight or flight. That’s not conducive to hearing quiet (read: silent) voices.
Do what feels good. Not to your mind but to your body. Your body knows. How do you know when your body feels good? Sit down, shut up and listen. Do your practice. And don’t need to know. That’s the mind. The body will tell you–when you get out of mind.
P.S. I’m sensing the next post will have something to do with how to get out of mind.